


Crack one shots collection

by vampiresdontdodishes



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crack, Gen, Most of these one shots are weird, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28605768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampiresdontdodishes/pseuds/vampiresdontdodishes
Summary: A collection of crack one shots.





	1. Chapter one

Charlotte Johnson looked at the tattered sausage in her hands and felt puzzled.

She walked over to the window and reflected on her idyllic surroundings. She had always hated beautiful San Francisco with its oily, outrageous oceans. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel puzzled.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Darth Jones. Darth was a friendly dolphin with greasy arms and ample fingers.

Charlotte gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a clumsy, cowardly, squash drinker with slimy arms and short fingers. Her friends saw her as a gentle, gigantic gamer. Once, she had even made a cup of tea for a handsome old lady.

But not even a clumsy person who had once made a cup of tea for a handsome old lady, was prepared for what Darth had in store today.

The wind blew like talking frogs, making Charlotte sleepy.

As Charlotte stepped outside and Darth came closer, she could see the defeated glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a resolution," Darth bellowed, in a down to earth tone. He slammed his fist against Charlotte's chest, with the force of 340 goldfish. "I frigging love you, Charlotte Johnson."

Charlotte looked back, even more sleepy and still fingering the tattered sausage. "Darth, hands up or I'll shoot," she replied.

They looked at each other with concerned feelings, like two healthy, harsh horses laughing at a very sinister accident, which had drum and bass music playing in the background and two stingy uncles shouting to the beat.

Charlotte regarded Darth's greasy arms and ample fingers. She held out her hand. "Let's not fight," she whispered, gently.

"Hmph," pondered Darth.

"Please?" begged Charlotte with puppy dog eyes.

Darth looked healthy, his body blushing like a kaleidoscopic, knobbly knife.

Then Darth came inside for a nice beaker of squash.

THE END


	2. Tales of the Goblin - Busily Swimming

"It's time for busily swimming!" whispered the goblin that lives on my lips.

I looked at the sandwich; it had creepy lakes and a quiet fur. I loved Doctor. I loved Dad. I did not want to take the sandwich from them. Doctor, especially, loved the arm.

I examined the noisy hat. I studied the solid record, which skipped like a curvy frog.

I remembered partying deeply at the goblin's will and knew I would comply again.

The snow made me tremble like passionate arms. Suddenly...

Growl!

The sandwich was destroyed.

The goblin that lives on my lips skipped blissfully.


	3. Dentist, You Know When You Walked Calmly?

Dentist, what do you think of frosty legs?"

"Er... I don't know dear."

"What about my snowy sole? Some say its like a scrawny kitten."

"Um..."

"Do you think my mouths are like a sweltering newspaper?"

"Where on earth did you hear a thing like that?"

"Uncle says that my flaps are like a breezy sausage that likes sleeping bravely whilst waving its spots."

"That's... um... nice. Perhaps we should talk about something else now."

"You know when you walked calmly? I heard it was like dangerously sitting."

"Oh look, snow outside!"

"But Dentist, I am a dull map!"

(Smash!)


End file.
